Pet loss, grief, new pets, dogs, chocolate labs, pet family - Page Thirty-Two

This week's Guest is Sarah Lynch Baitz!
Join us as she talks about the journey of grieving her beloved pets and then welcoming a new dog into her home and heart.

You can find Sarah's episode here:
https://youtu.be/39RCl6yvBkU
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1959737/12148353
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Hosted by Candy Dinsmore-Bekaan
Theme music by Matthew DeMeritt

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Candy: So, I'm here with Sarah Lynch, and we are friends. We've been friends for a while.

Sarah: Like 13 years.

Candy: Okay. I was gonna say 10.

Sarah: I mean, let's say twelve and three quarters. It took you a while to warm up to me, which it does most people. Like, it takes a few months and then you're like, oh, like she's alright. She's a decent human.

Candy: I dunno if that's how it went.

Sarah: Yeah, I think so.

Candy: We wanted to talk about dogs and puppies and all the wonderful things involved with those beautiful animals, which you have one around you right now that you keep having to do what?

Sarah: Uh, yeah, he creates some distractions right now. He is just a year and just last week had, uh, a surgery, a procedure if you will, that maybe removed a portion of his manhood.

Not all, just a portion. And he's like, just, I think now he's just having a minute with it. Right? So, he was, he's full of energy ‘cause like we haven't been able to do anything for over a week. And then probably, like, a little resentment.

Candy: So, you've always been a dog person. Roger is not your first dog.

Sarah: He's not.

Candy: Who was your first dog then?

Sarah: His name was Joshua, which is funny because if I ever had a son, that's what I was gonna name my son. This is maybe why I love this name so much. Interesting. Anyways, he was a beautiful border collie, but he was big and I don't think my parents had the, like, capacity to learn or know how to deal with a dog that size with that kinda energy and like, so he went to a blind farmer. I guess I don't, I don't really know what happened to him. I think he ended up having a much better life somewhere else. And then I had a wiener dog, Duke, and he was pretty mean. So, you know, and then I had Buddy, I got him for my 11th birthday and he was like, amazing. And then, um, like 15 years ago, or 16 years ago, I got Chip and he was my first chocolate lab and he instantly became my best friend.

And then my husband and I, um, he also had a chocolate lab that was a day younger than Chip. Kind of fell in love with Flea first, and Nick came along and like tagged along with Flea and two kids later. And those dogs lived up until last December, so they had a very long, very good life. And they were, like, so special to me, but it completely broke me when they died.

And, like, I felt a lot of shame, I guess, and embarrassment about how much I was grieving because like, they're dogs, right? They're supposed to die. And for 15 years I've been preparing ‘cause I loved them so much that, and like they were just my companions. Like, they were always like safe and they were always there and like, anybody who has had a dog knows what that feels like. And I just relied on them a lot for, like, my mental health. And I would get, go out every day and walk them up until the end.

You lose things that were important for my own mental health and to care for myself. Um, like going for walks. I, like I said, I always kind of, like, joked around that I'd been preparing for them to die for 15 years because I was like, how am I gonna cope? How am I gonna be okay? How am I gonna, like, I'm gonna be so sad, and I'll have to take time off work and all of these things, and you get caught up in that. You forget to just, like, live in the now. And that sounds so cliche. Or just to like, allow yourself to, like, have good days and be happy and, like, feel joy and not be afraid that that's gonna leave one day.

Because yeah, of course it's gonna come in and come out of your life, but it doesn't change anything. Um, you'll never prepare yourself for these kinds of, like, traumas and tragedies and losses. And that's what I learned and that's what I really took from, from them passing away.

Like, I knew it was gonna happen. They were 15 and they were labs, but it was, like, crippling to me and it was, like, crippling to people around me too that weren't used to me grieving like that. Because this isn't like my first loss by any means. I mean, I, like, my dad died when I was seven and a grandpa I was very close with died when I was younger and like, you know, things like that. Like, it's not something I haven't been through before. It's just a different capacity and, like, it was a different type of love and a different type of companionship and - and it just really, like, made me rethink how I grieved or maybe didn't grieve my whole life.

And so, this has been a really awakening year for me. I feel like I kind of understand myself better than I ever have. And I did that, like, and there is a lot of up - it wasn't pretty. It was really, really unattractive, like, for a long time there was a lot of, like, ugly crying and not, like, oh, and, like, trying to hold it together. Like, like deep, like ugh, your face is distorted and, like, yeah. There was a lot of that. Anyways, but you do, you pick it up and you, like, figure out how you, how you address it.

The dogs passed away December 20th of 2021 and I had a really hard time, but it was Christmas and I had to, like, really work hard at pulling it together. I'm not a big Christmas person anyways, and, like, have to fake my way through it for my, my family's sake, because they adore Christmas naturally. And then like a week after the boys passed, my husband was like, we should consider getting a dog. Like, I think you need that. And I'm like, I do need that.

And so, It was a really cute story actually, because we went to - a week after the boys died, we went to this farm and we said, we're not picking, we're not taking a dog home today. And so we went and they had chocolate labs and we both, this little one came up to us and like immediately, he like snuggled into me and he started doing this little, Chip my dog used to do this like whiny ch - seal sound type of noise. And this little, like, little baby started to do that and we both were like, this is the dog for sure. Like, but we weren't prepared to take it home yet. We wanted to sit with it. And then, you know, we had a thoughtful conversation about it and what needed to happen and that we needed to wait just a little bit longer and, and then we did some digging and we found that there was, like, a breeder in Florence that was having chocolate or had two chocolate lab puppies, two males. They were gonna be ready for the end of January, which I thought was, like, a good amount of time. It still gave us all a chance to kind of digest what, like, what we'd been through and prepare for having a puppy, right?

So, at the same time, I had recently, like, in December stopped my 16 year, like, career of being a Registered Massage Therapist. I, like, needed to take a break. I needed to step away. I was feeling, like, burned out. I was just feeling like I wasn't providing my clients with the very best care I could, and they all deserve so much better ‘cause they're just incredible human beings. And I'm so blessed that they were part of my practice for so long and I knew I needed to, like, rejuvenate or refresh and I knew, like, we're having the dogs put down and it was, like, a big deal and I was - wasn't going to be ready.

And I'm very lucky I have a super supportive husband who was, like, we'll figure it out. You know what? We'll figure it out financially. Don't worry about it. Just take the time you need. So, I'm so lucky that I have that. Uh, so anyways, we are preparing for, for Roger, we decided to get Roger. And about two weeks before we picked him up, two weeks after we had met this puppy, this first puppy, um, my daughter's best friend called her and she's like, we got a dog and he's chocolate and his name's Boomer and she showed us. And then we went and met him and they were telling us this story about how they went to this breeder. And this breeder was in this location and actually, like, specialized in this type of dog, but they're starting to breed labs. And I'm like, we went to that same breeder. And then she's, like, and his actual name was on his collar and it was like Lisander or something like that. And that was that dog that I picked up. So, Cadence's best friend went and, like, her parents, ‘cause they also had lost their dog the year before and, like, went and got this puppy and this was the puppy that I was gonna bring home, right? And like, so we're so blessed because Boomer is Roger's very best friend and they play all the time.

I sound like a doting mom, like, um, so anyways, and Boomer is like the sweetest, like, he's so sweet and so loving and they play all the time and it’s, like, so beautiful because I always had two chocolate labs and it's really weird for me just to have one so I get to, like, part-time have two.

Anyways, and then when he picked Roger up at the end of January and he is, like, oh my gosh, he's just. He has been, and I say this to people all the time, and my seven year old gets like, she's devastated I would speak like this. Like, come on, pull it together, Sarah. But I'm like, he's my best friend! Like, tell strangers this every day. And they're like, oh, is he? And, like, he is my best friend. He is such, like, he's just such a gift, right? And I know, like, I know this sounds, like, all uni, the universe and all like hippy dippy, but I know the dogs are still with me and, like, I know that they're still in my presence in some capacity and, like, I think about them every day and I know that, like, Roger is being trained to be the dog we need and he was, be, like, he just, he has the best personality. I mean, that being said, he is kind of a jerk right now, to be honest. But like, he's just a teenager and he's kinda -

Candy: And to be fair, he just had that procedure, so -

Sarah: And he's again, like, he's dealing with his own loss, right? Like, he needs to address some deep rooted stuff and we're gonna, like, just be patient with him. But like, I'm happy to show you how adorable he is.

Candy: Awe. How is the transition of going from, I mean, obviously you're gonna continue to grieve, Chip and Flea, right? Like, this is a forever thing. This is what grief is, right? It's an ongoing, everyday thing. But how is that process of meeting Roger and bringing him into your home while you were grieving Chip and Flea?

Sarah: Also, I feel like the way I'm talking is very different from the way I talk to, have talked to people in the past. Like, I'm usually really, um, reluctant to be vulnerable, right? Until, like, but now I feel like this is the year where I just, like, tell people what I feel and why I feel that way. Normalize it because it's okay. We all have these weird thoughts and experiences and I think we feel so much shame around surrounding it and, like, I certainly did and definitely, like, I didn’t want to appear vulnerable or weak and I mean, I feel like everybody thinks that, but circling back to your question though, someone said to me, or maybe I read it, that grief is unexpressed love and, like, what you're supposed to do with that is you're supposed to take it and pour it into something else, like pour that unexpressed love into something. And, like, obviously I do that with my children, but, like, it's a different dynamic, this relationship with my dog than it is with my kids because, like, I'm not supposed to burden my kids with my, like, emotional ups and downs and my, like, ugh, I'm just feeling heavy today. Right?

Like, I mean, certainly I probably do. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm not supposed to and, like, not that I feel like I'm burdening my dog, but he's definitely, like, earning his keep here, right? Like, he gives me that type of love that I need for sure.

So, it's been a really amazing year because I just, like, value him and I just love him. I don't worry about losing him, of course, I think that way, but I definitely have, like, minimized that significantly this year, which is a huge thing for me because I do it with my family, too. Like, the fear of losing something that you love so, so much and like I can't comprehend how people have to cope with that, right? Like, I just can't imagine those types of losses. And so I would think about that all the day, all the time, every day ‘cause, like, I experienced loss at such a young age and never really maybe learned how to deal with that.

Yeah, so Roger's just like - It's been so, like, incredible therapy for me. Like, I feel like he's helped me realize who I am and why I feel the way I feel and how that's okay. I'm giving him way more credit than he probably deserves, I mean, eats Kleenex for God's sakes. He can't be that clever.

But um, but yeah, like they're, they're amazing. If you don't have a dog, you should definitely, like, get one and just take care of it really well and walk it every day because, like, you also are getting walked and it's amazing and yeah, and I'm, I'm so lucky. He's, he's amazing. He's beautiful. He's so handsome.

Candy: I think it's really beautiful that you, you are opening up and you are grieving, like truly, truly grieving and you're, you're feeling more vulnerable, but allowing yourself to feel the strength in that vulnerability. And I love seeing that because I mean, like, like you said, we've known each other for, I think you said 13 years. Um, so it's, it's nice to see that. I, I know that it's, uh, it's a hard thing to do at times, but it is necessary and it's, it's lovely when people hold space for us and allow us to do that, to be vulnerable.

Sarah: Or just, like, reminding yourself that you don't need anybody's permission to do that and you can do it on your own. And you don't have to feel shame and you don't have to feel weak. And I think that's hard for people. It definitely was hard for me. And then you don't really connect properly with people or with your family or with your circumstances in life because you're always, you're always afraid of that, that judgement.

And I mean, people are judging you for sure, right? But it’s nobody's business what someone else says about you. Somebody said that, a client said that to me once. I'm like, Hmm, that's interesting, right? Because they're gonna speak truth, they're gonna speak not truths, and it, it doesn't really matter. You should know who you are, so.

Candy: Not everyone's gonna like you. Even if they don't have good reasons to feel that way, they're just not gonna like you. They're not gonna like your energy. They might not like your face. Like -

Sarah: Yah!

Candy: It's just, they just don't like you and there's nothing that, um, you can do about that sometimes. So I feel really strongly about that, too. Just living, live, live for your own joy and you know, be kind and be lovely to yourself and to others, but also just focus on your own, your own joy. I think a lot of people do resonate with the fact that animals are such therapeutic beings, right? And some people might not understand it because they've never had that kind of relationship with an animal or maybe they don't like animals, which -

Sarah: You have to say it. Everybody knows what you're gonna say.

Candy: Uh, I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna be judgy about it. It's just, animals are lovely and they're so wonderful, and like my whole life has been filled with animals also. And I don't know how I would deal or, or grieve or handle a lot of things in my own life if I didn't have my cats to snuggle and cuddle. And they, they sense my energy and -

Sarah: Yah!

Candy: Comfort me.

Sarah: They're amazing. We're so lucky.

Candy: We really are!

Sarah: Yeah. But it's, like, also important to recognize, like, I love animals, but I don't have the means or the time or the understanding to have them. Like, they’re a lot of work, right? And I mean, there's very few things in life I can stay with confidence that I'm good at. Like, I'm like, like normally insecure, like I guess like in a normal way. Like, I'm not super cocky or confident about a lot of things, but I'm a good dog owner. I love my dog so much and, like, it never, like, you know, I used to walk up a gigantic hill every day walking my two chocolate labs, pushing a baby stroller. It's not, ‘cause I'm like, oh, look at me, I'm in tiptop physical form. It was because, like, they needed to go for a walk and I happened to live in a place that has a lot of hills and they're unavoidable, so.

Because they've always given me so much, and I've always recognized that and I knew I, like, I knew I had to take care of them. I was their mom. I'm definitely like, they're my babies, right? Like, and my children. I take care of them, too. I love them a lot, too. Like, I walk them, as well.

Candy: And I always, I always saw that in you. It was always very obvious and apparent that you loved your animals and you took care of them. Like, it was never a thought in my mind and I don't think anyone's minds who ever knew you or knew Chip or Flea, that you loved these dogs and they loved you, and you, you guys were loyal to each other. I remember you making me walk up that hill once. Terrible.

Sarah: See? That's good for you. You remember it. It was a memorable moment.

Candy: I do. And you did it all the time, so.

Sarah: Yeah, but you never, like, I, I remember every single hill. Like, I remember every walk of that ‘cause every step was painful and hard, right? And I have to get home eventually.

Candy: Are there things that you noticed in Roger, because you had mentioned that you noticed things about that one puppy that you had first met, but are there things about Roger that you really connect with, or, or see Chip or Flea in him?

Sarah: Oh, it's, like, incredible. So, and that's why I say like, I feel like the dogs have been training him this whole time, right? Because he is just, they had both very, uh, very unique personalities from one another. Everybody confused them all the time. They're like, which one's Chip, which one's Flea? But a mother can tell her own child apart, obviously. But they had very different personalities. And Roger is a perfect combination of both of them.

Like, so one of the hardest things for me to do after they died was load the dishwasher. And because they would, like, always be there. They'd be licking the plates and, like, they'd both be there licking the plates and, like, it was a huge inconvenience and, like, really annoying at the time. But like, it was just so hard to do that ‘cause they weren't there and like, it was just, you were so aware that they weren't there in those moments, right?

Like, I think you prepare yourself for the birthday, you prepare yourself for the anniversary of, you prefer like in any, in any situation of loss or death, but you don't for those everyday things, right? Like, the smells and the inconveniences that no longer seem inconvenient and things like that.

So, definitely, oh my God, Roger's a maniac with the, with the dishwasher. And then also Chip used to do this thing and drove everybody crazy in the house. Like, it was so annoying for everybody. He never chewed your stuff or your shoes, but he would always, as soon as you'd walk in the door, he'd grab your shoe out of the closet, out of the bin, off your foot where it would be your shoe. And he would, like, walk around the house with it in his mouth, like wiggling his tail and his bum. And, like, my husband would get so annoyed with that ‘cause he's like, Chip, where's my shoe? ‘Cause he'd have one shoe at the door and the other would be like, under the couch to which I would respond, put your shoes away.

Anyways, um, Roger does that. He'll grab your shoe, like, he'll go into the closet and grab Kinsley’s shoe when she comes through the door and, like, you know, walk away from her. So, he has like that, like, teasing personality and then he just does, like, stoic things like Flea used to do, like Flea was so in tune with everybody's emotions and like he was just this, like, soft presence that would just be there to comfort you and love you. And Roger's like that, too.

So, I have, like, the best of both of them and I know, like, yeah, it's amazing. And then he also does, like, shidiot type things like jump up on the table in our counter ‘cause he is so food driven, which was, like, something Chip did often, until he couldn't do it anymore, right? So.

Candy: Was it hard to get the same breed or was that just like a given, like you, you just wanted the same breed?

Sarah: I literally have a dog that looks just like my other dogs. So, at first, like, when we were kind of, like, talking about, we knew, we knew the time was coming for the dogs and like, you know, I said I would probably want a dog fairly, fairly soon after. Like, I'm just used to having one. And, and that's how I wanted to grieve. And Nick was on board with that. And the kids obviously were, like, of course they want a puppy.

We had discussed like a couple other breeds, like, and Nick was pretty adamant we, we not get another chocolate lab, but he had, like, pretty much said, no, I don't think I want to do that again. And then after the dogs died and I like, just was like, like a puddle. Um, like , like wore my houseboat definitely the whole week. Like, I didn't get, get out of it, right? I was just, like, I've, I've lost all ability to, like, to feel joy or want to get dressed or do anything, like, yeah.

And it was, my kids were home. They, they were seeing like mom be so sad and stuff, but also, like, we're really open about feelings with our, our kids. Like, we talk about that ‘cause it's so important for them to be emotionally intelligent and um. So, we're always, like, I feel this way because, and I'm eventually not gonna feel this way. And, like, for them to see me cry and crumble and feel sad and like lost, it's important. I think it's important anyways for you to see that because they also saw me pick myself out of that. And I was lucky enough to have the ability or have the support I needed for that, right? And a lot of people don't have that, and that's very sad. Um, but my kids were able to see, like me, show resilience and, and get through that, that sad time for us.

So, about a week after they died, I just said, I think I want a lab again. Like, I just, I know them, I know what they need. They know what I need. I just, and he's, like, yep one hundred percent. Let's get a lab. He's, like, do you want a chocolate one? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, if I want a chocolate one, but I definitely want a male.

We found this breeder. She only had two males left and they were both chocolate. And so anyways, we went and we met them the day we picked him up and we picked him from the two. And, like, he's just, he was the right pick for sure. He picked us too, right? And he was just like, he's been instantly like such a joy to have, like for everybody.

I mean, my youngest gets a little annoyed with him because she's seven and she leaves her stuff around and he eats it, or, you know, chases her around with it or she chases him and so she gets a bit frustrated, but my oldest is, like, such a little mama to him and takes great care and yeah, so he's, he is just so great. We're so lucky to have him.

You're lucky if you get to, like, experience one and have one with you to, like, navigate through the difficult times in life, right? They're just, yeah. They're such special beings we're, I do really love, like, Roger a lot. I don’t know if you're getting that from this conversation, but like, I also, like, I'm more, yeah. I'm definitely, like, I don't wanna say I'm not a people person, but I think there's a lot more expectation to, like, perform for people, right? And like a dog, you can just be like, your jammy-wearing stinky self.

Candy: There's no expectations with animals, right? Like, except, I mean, obviously love and, and taking care of them and everything like that, but once a person and an animal feels safe together, you can just be who you are and it doesn't, doesn't matter.

Sarah: Yeah. They create a lot of safety. They're great conversationalists. Roger and I chat all the time. Um, but what it does do, and this is funny, um, because we go for so many walks, it, it makes people approachable, which normally, like, I'm, I always say hi. I live in a small village and, like, it's a big tourists place in the summertime especially, and I mean definitely we have tourists throughout the year.

But, like, from bigger cities where, like, when you're walking down the street on Yonge Street, you don't, you're not, like, Hey, hi, how's it going? Have a good day. Anything. Like, I did that and my friend immediately was like, Hmm, that's not how we behave here. Like, you don't talk to strangers on the TTC, right? So, here I do, like, on my walk, I'm like, good morning and hello and you know. Those kind of conversations, like, just very brief and. But with a dog, like you have these amazing conversations with people that are complete strangers, and you would never do that without a dog facilitating that conversation.

And it's amazing because there's so many people that love their animal the way I love mine, right? And I felt so, like, like, you've got to talk to a professional, like how much you love your dog, right? But like, no, most people do. And it's, like, pretty beautiful because they recognize it as well, right? So, it just sparks a conversation and then community, like, it's a sense of community then. And that's such an incredible feeling. And I also feel like I've really embraced that this year.

Um, I've taken on a new position that requires me to be outside of, like, my living community, but in the community that I grew up in. And it's just pretty awesome to, like, connect with people and network with people and things I was always, I shied away from and I was uncomfortable with. So yeah, I feel like I'm getting much better. I wish I could just take Roger to work, like, I feel like I'd be way better at my job.

Candy: Every time I've lost an animal, which unfortunately has been a lot ‘cause I'm 38 and I've always had, you know, animals. There was just such an unconditional love with that animal that it's different. It's just a different kind of grief.

Sarah: Absolutely. It really is. And it's that unconditional piece you said, right? Like, they love you like no one else loves you other than your parents, right? You love Bruce more than you possibly love anything else in the world. Like, it's just, that's nature. That's innate. Your parents felt the same way about you, right?

But I think it's es, especially relevant when you've had that kind of loss. Yeah. When you've had that loss of a parent, that that thing that loves you unconditionally, you feel it differently and, and that's why the love from animal is so significant, right? And, and if I really reflect on it, like that sounded really cheesy, but if I really think about it, all the people I know that, like, cried with me when the dogs died, like, they just, they felt it. They have all experienced, like, that significant loss in their life where they feel like the only person that truly loved me for who I am, and I can be anything is gone. And then this other being that loved me no matter what I did is gone, too, right? And it's a really, like, very lonely experience.

And I think like being a mom right? It, it changes it ‘cause you're always, like, putting out this love and your kids love you obviously, right? But they love you more than they have a capacity to love anything else likely, but they're not supposed to love you unconditionally. Right? Like, that's my opinion anyways. Maybe they are, and I'm completely right - wrong and every, like, Psychotherapist watching this, if any are like, Hmm, don't talk about things you don't know what you're talking about.

But that's kinda my thought on it. Like, I know my kids love me, but, like, I can't depend on them for unconditional love. Like, they are learning to love themselves. They're preoccupied with other types of love, and that's, that's how it's supposed to be.

And so yeah, it's, it's lonely when you're like, nobody loves me the way I love them. I have a parent, like, it's, I'm sure she loves me unconditionally. Probably I'm her favourite, but my sister would argue that. But I don't think until you are prepared to, like, take care of something and a child shouldn't take care of, like, things that way, right?

It's different when you're prepared to take care of a pet. You love them in that unconditional type of way, too. Um, you know, I have lots of friends that they don't call themselves fur parents or their fur babies, but like, they have animals that are their children and like they love them, they love them as much as I love my child, right? Like, that's their capacity of love. Like, there's no denying that.

Like my friend, like you, before you had Bruce, right? Or, like, our friend Heather. Her animals are her children and, like, she loves them that much. And like, yeah, I think as a society we like shame that, like, no, you don't. I'm like, well, she does. ‘Cause, like, I remember being there like before I had children, like I loved my dogs, like, like nothing else in this world. And then you have kids and, like, I still love my dogs that amount. But then you have these like other beings that are dependent on you for life and you love them. Like he, I couldn't even fathom this type of love, like I. Is fathom the right word? Like, I just couldn't make this up.

So yeah, it's been interesting. I feel like this has been a big growth here and I think I've said that several times during this interview, but it's sad when people don't have the capacity to love, like, fully, right? You imagine that something awful has happened in their life.

Candy: Right. And that's the thing though too, is that we, we have these animals in our lives and then we choose. We lose them unfortunately, and then we choose to do it again.

Sarah: Yeah, that was, like, definitely a thought. I'm like, I don't wanna ever have to go through this again. Like, I don't wanna ever have to go through this pain. And then I'm like, ugh, but you had 15 years of, like, beautiful moments. Like, you had 15 amazing years with these beautiful beasts. Right? And like, don't you want 15 years with another? And then yeah, you're gonna go through it. It's gonna be painful and awful, and all of those things again.

And hopefully it's like 15 years from now, right? Hopefully he has a big, long, healthy life. Like when your parents passed, you, you're like, how am I gonna do this? How am I gonna ever feel right or feel like I feel joy or happiness or safety ever again? And then you figure it out and you do. And you're allowed to have those days where you don't feel that way, right? And that's okay, too. And that's why you should get a dog.

Candy: I think a lot of the time though too is after those, those moments and times, uh, finding safety within yourself, right, and knowing that no matter where I stand, I am safe within me, I am, I am the one keeping myself safe and having a beautiful animal along the way is, just such an incredible added bonus to, to that work that I'm doing in creating my own safety, right? I think it's really beautiful the relationships that you had with Chip and Flea and now with Roger and I mean, hey, you could potentially have 30 years of not having to use your dishwasher.

Sarah: Amazing.

Candy: I'm glad that you came and talked about this today. I think a lot of people resonate with it. I know I do. It was always hard to, to be grieving and an additional family member into your house while you are, you're hurting, right? So, I think a lot of people have absolutely been there and maybe are currently in it right now. Right? Uh, my cats are both elderly and it's something that, you know, it's, it's there, it's there in your head, you know, when you give 'em a kiss or when you hug 'em or when you see 'em getting slower or having a harder time doing certain things that they used to be able to do. And so it's a really important conversation to have, and I love that you're openly grieving it and that you're embracing that part of it ‘cause it's important.

Sarah: Like I felt like the grieving started early on, um, with the dogs. Just we had kind of known what the date was going, going to be like. They were both quite sick, but they were, like, it wasn't emergency situation sick. It was like they're 15 and they're very old and their decline will be very quick. They had already been declining significantly. Anyway, so we, we knew like a week in advance that we were gonna have the dogs put down and we were going to do it from our home and have them done at the same time.

And that was like a really important part of my grief because I never, like my dad went into the hospital and then never came out, and then, I became very ill and ended up in the hospital myself. So, I never got to go to a funeral or, like, see him in a casket or be part of that experience. So, it, like, never really finalized it for me or was like, had a feeling of formality, I guess, because I, I was a child, so like my, my brain and my development and my emotional intelligence was very, like, underdeveloped at that time.

Um, like there was always that part that, I’m like, maybe he's not dead. Like, maybe they were just telling me this because he needed to leave or whatever, and there was always that piece and like, not, not just as a child, like growing into adulthood. There was always that piece of, like, because I never saw, really saw it. I just, I left a hospital room seeing him alive and then actually it wasn't even that he had left my grandmother's house. That was last time. And so, It was really important for me to be part of this, this thing, and it was, like, amazing because the vets were so beautiful and so caring, and they came into our home and they sedated them, and the dogs, like, immediately laid beside each other and, like, put their paws on top of each other.

It was, like, such a, like, beautifully played out moment, like for such a sad, like, I mean, I'm ugly crying in behind the scenes, right? But that was, like, a key to that grief and, like, accepting and acknowledging, and my daughter wanted to be there, so, we'll, she was there with us. And yeah, it was, it was very powerful and very important, And recognizing that all of those things are just part of the healing process, right? Even when you're, like, so deep in the grief. So yeah, that was our experience.

Candy: And so you've obviously found that this grieving process has been very different, as it would be, than when your father died and you weren't able to be there or see him.

Sarah: Well, yeah, and just like, I mean, any grief, even like the loss of friends or family members that were important to me as an adult. Like, my stepfather passed away 11 years ago yesterday and like different grief, right? Different, different relationship. Um, but like even how I'm, like, well, just truck on, go back to work. Right? Like, I remember going to work after his funeral. Like, going back to work and, like, well, I have to see clients. I've been off for two days, kind of thing. And, like, just trucking through and, like, going through the motions and everything else, right?

So, um, and you know, a significant uncle in my life that passed away and things like that. So, it, just very different because again, I, I feel like as a society, we tell people how they're supposed to grieve, how much they're supposed to grieve and for whom they're supposed to, like, grieve. And I just, that's not reality. You can grieve somebody you barely knew, like, you could have had an encounter. And that's why we cry when we hear about, like, our favourite musicians or actors passing away. Like, you don't know them as human beings, but like they've moved you or you've connected with them to some, in some form. Who am I to tell you you're not allowed to be sad, right? But we do that all the time as a society.

We scoff at, we laugh and we mock and yeah, we hold so much shame surrounding it. I just think, no cry man if you're sad, like, that neighbour you barely knew passed away or that you just would pass on the street has passed and, like, that makes you a good human. Like, you just, you're empathetic and, like, that's such an important characteristic.

That's, that's important for people to realize that It's okay. It's okay. So, moral of the story in this entire interview is that you can be sad and grieve over whatever you want. Okay? It's okay. You don't have to feel bad about it, people, it's just, go ahead and ugly cry at the gas station when people ask how your day's going and you're like, it's horrible. My dog's just died. Right? Like, do it. Go ahead.

Candy: I couldn't agree with you more. I really couldn't. I think that you're right. So many people are ashamed of it, and this is part, this is a humongous part of, of being here and living this life is that we're gonna lose people and we're going to lose our animals and we're gonna lose our own lives. Grieving is such an important piece of it. It really is. Especially if we wanna live joyfully.

Sarah: I agree.

Pages Of A Story

Pet loss, grief, new pets, dogs, chocolate labs, pet family - Page Thirty-Two - Sarah's Story

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